Open In App

How To Deal With Toxic Self Criticism?

Improve
Improve
Like Article
Like
Save
Share
Report

With the growing globalization and the influence of social media, everyone wants to become better. Better than who we are, not for ourselves but to please others. People are seen uploading pictures of spending time in luxurious hotels and beaches, which makes some viewers critical of themselves.

Becoming like someone, achieving “success”, and buying all the stuff we see on social media can push us down the path where we constantly criticize ourselves for not producing “better” results. The habit of criticizing oneself using negative words and ideas, forming impoverished images of ourselves, can be termed toxic self-criticism.

Let’s check out ways to deal with toxic self-criticism:

7 Ways To Deal With Toxic Self Criticism

1. Treat Yourself Like Someone You Are Responsible For Helping

The second rule stated in Jordan B Peterson’s book, 12 Rules for Life, gives a fascinating turn to how people should look at themselves. We are always ready to help others, at least our loved ones. So, imagine that your friend/spouse/child/loved one is talking about themselves using loads of negative words every time they share their feelings. How would you feel? Wouldn’t you help them?

The same logic goes with you. How could you do the same with yourself if you cannot see your loved ones talking shit about themselves?

For example, 
Instead of saying— “I am stupid; I cannot read Google Maps.” 
You can say— “I get confused with directions; I need to learn to use Google Maps properly.”

This way, you are not blaming yourself. Instead, you can focus on a problem and provide a solution.

2. Talk To A Friend

Most of us are very good at solving others’ problems quickly; however, when it comes to our own issues, we are rarely able to come up with a solution that quickly. This is because we think objectively when we hear others’ problems, whereas we are all engulfed in our problems and lack an objective view of solving our own problems.

Therefore, reach out to a friend if you find yourself indulging in toxic self-criticism. Share your thoughts as you are forming them. When we share our thoughts with someone and put them into words, we can see how irrational our thoughts might sound when said out aloud.

3. Chart Your Progress

An efficient way of dealing with toxic self-criticism is by penning down your thoughts. Journal writing has been in existence since time immemorial. People write about their day-to-day activities, feelings, ideas, thoughts, etc., in whichever way they like.

You can make a separate diary to note your daily feelings and write down whatever goes in your head. This way, you will record all the ideas and emotions that flow in your head. You can quickly go back to any date and read what you felt on that day/time. Besides, writing is a slow process that helps give clarity to thoughts.

4. Tell the Truth, Always!

When you self-criticize, you are primarily honest with yourself. However, you need to be polite too.

Self-criticising is often based on irrational, immeasurable metrics. You would often see yourself criticizing your physical, emotional, intellectual, and mental capabilities. You might see yourself measuring these on some vague grounds or comparing yourself with someone

For example, if you cannot finish a task successfully, instead of saying, “I am useless/incompetent that I cannot lift a 10kg dumbbell.” Say, “I need to practice or get guidance to get better at weight lifting.”

5. Be Conscious of Your Speech

The easiest way to deal with toxic self-criticism is by reading self-help books or listening to positive ideas. Once you start developing a healthy vocabulary, your thoughts will be able to use those words. After all, you produce what you consume.

Tips to follow:

  • Ask your family members or near and dear ones to help you make them aware of negative words. 
  • Listen to podcasts or watch videos that would help you skill in emotional intelligence.
  • Read at least 10 pages daily.

6. Work On Things You Can Control

Have you ever noticed that when you self-criticize, you often focus on external factors yet blame the internal self? You usually know that things went south because of someone else’s mistake, but you take it on yourself and start to find faults in your actions.

Therefore, understand that whatever is happening around you will make complete sense to you only if you’re willing to help your brain. Moreover, that help needs to be filled with things you can work on instead of things you cannot.

Tips to follow:

  • Ask yourself, “Is there something I can genuinely do to make things right?”
  • Focus on things you can control, such as your behavior, your reactions, actions, and thoughts.

7. Stand Up For Yourself, Not Against Yourself

You should be your best friend. No one in the entire world knows you better than yourself. You can be your savior by understanding yourself better. Follow the RULER technique by Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence,

R– Recognising emotions in self
U– Understanding the causes and consequences of emotions 
L– Labelling your emotions accurately
E– Expressing emotions appropriately 
R– Regulating emotions effectively 

Your emotions help you understand how you react in certain situations. Therefore, when you self-criticize yourself, you need to study your feelings. Take professional guidance when required because knowing yourself better is the best you can do for yourself. 


Last Updated : 22 Sep, 2023
Like Article
Save Article
Previous
Next
Share your thoughts in the comments
Similar Reads